Chronic Illness….. Like Swimming? My dream revelation.

treading-water-2

I had the most interesting dream recently.

For years I have been sleeping and planning my next day, or up all night and planning the next day from painsomnia. When I dream though, I have always had the ability to talk to myself about the dream, stop the dream and start another….pretty different stuff from what people tell me they experience.

I guess I would make a good candidate for dream analysis 🙂

Anyhow, so I was dreaming that I was at the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in a few weeks, I live on an island after all; I mean people come here for the beaches! Maybe its just because its summer that I’m thinking beach.

As the dream progressed and I was in the water, I said to myself (this is said to myself. like in my thoughts about what was happening in the dream) Lyn, how long can you really swim before you are floundering and trying to thread water. Then it hit me…….this is just like dealing with illness.

Truth be told I’m not the best swimmer 😦 when I;m on I’m on but when I’m off its a mess.

Swimming

My preferred style is freestyle, I am relatively good at it, not to win a race or anything but I get it done well. When everything is aligned and my body is slicing through the water it is beautiful.

When I am feeling well and able to do what I want, when I want, that is beautiful too.

Just like when I’m swimming, this doesn’t last too long. Ironically, for both situations its the pain that cuts it short. In swimming, the abdominal engagement needed to be in good form, quickly becomes painful.  In handling illness the pain stops me in my tracks. Just like swimming I end up….

Floundering

In the water as my form goes, my strokes become short or not as streamlined. The kicks start to be uncoordinated and I really don’t go as far as I can. It is clear to all looking on that I am struggling or becoming tired.

In handling the illness, my struggle is mental before I even acknowledge that I am floundering physically. Its hard to concentrate, brain fog is intense and then the physical steps in. I am exhausted and can go from there to being in bed just because walking or moving is too painful.

Treading Water

I’m really not good at this part.

I see my husband and children treading water for over an hour sometimes….or it seems that way to me……I can manage a few minutes. I think its a combination of physical skill and mental energy.

By this point I am usually tired from what has happened before and I find no relaxation in treading although I believe I should and it is to serve as a time to regroup and rejuvenate.

With illness its the same. I believe I am frustrated by this time and feel that I should be doing better or handling the situation better. Although, I know its OK to rest. Its necessary to rest.

The pain colors the experience in both situations.

Floating

They say this is the fall back position when in the water and exhausted. Float on your back. Me, I say get out of the water……..that’s not always possible. I can’t get rid of the illness, gotta find a way to deal.

The beauty of floating is that the water supports your weight.. It reminds me that there is support, in places I know and in some that I haven’t thought of.

When in the water on my back, I look up and see the sky and clouds and all the beauty. It reminds me that there is a God who is there for me, holding me up when I can’t do it on my own .

 

So, yes I will actually go to the beach and do some swimming. Just like that is a process, dealing with my illnesses is a process as well. Some days I will be good and others not so good. Then I may be barely making it and keeping my head above water.

I know though, that through it all there is support. For this I am grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankful for friends who stay.

647f6067b91b2c2627bfa326c08909ee

I woke this morning late, bad sign. I was in pain. I struggled out of bed to help the children get out of the house but things were bad. I just took some meds and went back to bed.

Before this, I messaged my doctor and let him know what was going on. Said I would give it two hours and get back to him.

This week I had planned to get some cleaning done, change the curtains, clean the windows etc. in preparation for the op next week. I wanted to do this because I really have no idea when next the house will be cleaned to this extent. I have no funds to pay a housekeeper and I’m not sure when mummy can come and help me out.

So, back to bed I went. A friend had planned to come help with the cleaning but even before she could arrive I was dozing. I sent her a message telling her which door was open and what I was planning to do.

My friend arrived and started to work. She removed all the curtains, cleaned all the windows, dusted, swept, tidied and cleaned the entire day. Also, in the midst of all this, she cooked a huge pot of soup for my family and made sure I ate some. I just stayed in bed. I only got out of bed to use the bathroom and take my meds.

She worked for 9 straight hours; from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. This is no small favor. She did it all simply because she loves me.

Living with the unpredictability of Pelvis Congestion Syndrome and Endometriosis and not knowing from day to day, sometimes minute to minute how things are going to be makes life difficult, to say the least.

Many good acquaintances have exited my life over the years. If I count my friends, I don’t make 5. That’s not a bad thing really. Its hard sometimes for me to be a good friend in all of this.

Friends who stick with me are treasured. I value this sister who was here today more than I can say. Its hard for others to be around me, especially when I am in pain. I withdraw, shut people out and sometimes push them away. I thank God for those who stay.

So sis, if you are reading this; I am ever grateful for your love and your friendship. Thank-you for being there for me today. Thank-you for cleaning the house and letting me sleep all day long. Thank -you for taking care of me. Thank-you for listening to me, always praying for me and always being there.

I love you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge- Days 26-28

page23

Day 26: What impact has this had on your friends, partner, family etc.?

Think that I answered this question before earlier in the challenge but:

My Family- Husband and children

This has not been easy for them on any level. My husband has been with me from the beginning through year after year of doctor’s visits, medications, surgeries and has watched me be well and then be at the point where I can hardly walk or function without his help. He has been my rock- quiet and sure. It has been difficult for him I know, many times I think this is not what he signed up for. It seems more “worse” than “better”. Despite it all though, he’s still here and I praise God for him every day. He never complains or gets upset, he just does what needs to be done and we move along.

My children, they are on a roller coaster. Sometimes with mummy happy and up and able to do stuff, go places etc. with them and then sometimes not. They do get frustrated and lash out at times. For the most part they just accept it. In some ways, they are resigned and/ or desensitized to my pain. They have learned to make the best of whatever I can do when I can. They have also become self-reliant and do whatever they can for themselves.

My Friends

I don’t have many of these. I have loads of acquaintances but friends no. The few that I do have are faithful. At times, they too get frustrated because I must cancel at the last minute of just stay home all the time but they are here for me whenever I need them.

 

help26advice

Day 27: What’s the most helpful advice you have had?

The best advice that I have been given is:

“Have your meltdown, cry, scream, fall apart. When you are done, get up and go again, fight again. The world will continue with or without you. So, decide.”

This helped me to realize it was ok to lose it ever so often and that I am in control of what happens after that. Life is hard, yes, it is. I must decide what I want and go after it. Staying down is no use to me and does not help me to progress. Everybody has a struggle; I either fight and continue or stop and die but the world will go on.

 

great-achievements-are-the-results-of-great-expectations-you-will-see-it-happen-only-when-you-believe-it-will-happen

Day 28: Name 5 things you have achieved despite your illness?

Despite this illness I have achieved some of my dreams in mainly my professional life. I have:

  1. Completed a Master’s Degree.
  2. Co-authored and Academic Book.
  3. Started a Business.
  4. Got a second part-time job.
  5. Started this blog.

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge- Day 21

71d701712740ab22c8376ed0f59d84e0

What networks or websites have you used for support or information about your illness?

I haven’t used many networks or websites in the past. The main one I frequented in the past was http://www.hystersisters.com.  

I also frequented https://endometriosis.supportgroups.com. I found that there was lots of information and help regarding Endometriosis.

I have not been as successful with PCS. I generally perused websites that came up when I googled PCS. Most times I got something unclear like

“Pelvic congestion syndrome. Some doctors believe enlarged, varicose-type veins around your uterus and ovaries may result in pelvic pain. However, other doctors are much less certain that pelvic congestion syndrome is a cause of pelvic pain because most women with enlarged veins in the pelvis have no associated pain.”

Retrieved March 21, 2017 from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-pelvic-pain/symptoms-causes/dxc-20208136

These sites and statements in essence made me quite doubtful since the medical fraternity itself was in doubt about PCS.

Recently I have been perusing  https://themighty.com. and just looking around for other networks.