No Cancer!……….No Cysts? Conflicted…..?!?!?

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The Results

I got back the long awaited results from the lab and there was no cancer found. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am really happy about this. Waiting for results can be unnerving at times. This is not the first time in my life I have waited with bated breath on cancer results.

I wonder how many times I can do this and still get a favourable result? There must be some statistical equation .

Anyway, I truly am happy.

The Ultrasound

The “entitled” doctor requested that I repeat the ultrasound I did two months ago. So off I went to the hospital again to have the scan done. Surprise, surprise………..the doctor doing the scan said there were no cysts seen and the previously huge ovaries were normal in size………..all to the adhesions on the right one.

I was lying there trying to hold a straight face as he pushed and prodded the probe inside to get the clearest possible view of my organs. I heard him but wasn’t really listening.

So, where did the cysts go?

I do believe in miracles. I believe that God heals in many different ways; sometimes we need the doctors and meds and procedures and others the issues are just removed from us.

So for all intents and purposes I should be jumping over the moon. This means that the surgery will be less than previously anticipated.

Here is my conflict.

If the cysts were responsible for the extra, over the top pain then it stands to reason that they are gone so the pain should be gone also. Well that isn’t the case.  The pain is still here.

So this means that the pain and the cysts are not connected. Which in turn means that something else is still going on…………….Sigh!!!!

So yes I am happy the cysts are gone, just that feeling of elation is so short lived because I thought I had an answer which turned out to be erroneous.

I am not sure what I feel right now. I am unsure of the next step………….I know I keep on fighting and pushing and searching…………

This feeling reminds me of how I felt six months after my first embolization when I realized that the miracle I thought had occurred through the procedure was short term and not long term.

I am conflicted. I don’t know how I feel. To those close to me this is the best news but to me its tragic. I can’t take this one “victory” when it is a war I am fighting.

All I can do is fight on………………

 

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Author: mypcslife

I am a Psychologist by profession, wife and mother. Living in the Caribbean island of Barbados.

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