I’m fine!?!?

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You know I say I’m fine but I’m really not but there’s nothing else I can really say.

So we were on vacation in beautiful Dominica, known as the Nature Isle of the Caribbean. So many natural wonders to see and places to explore. My family was so excited and ready and rearing to go. Me I just wanted to sleep, really.

We set off to explore the island with a friend who was acting as our tour guide. We went up “hot Soufriere” to the Fresh Water Lake and then made our way to Trafalgar Falls. I was walking a pace behind them as they rushed ahead to see and just trying to pace myself. Then he asked “are you OK?”

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Trafalgar Falls (One of the falls there are two side by side)
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View from “Hot” Soufriere

“Yes, I’m fine.” I replied and continued walking.

We saw the falls, the children and hubby bathed in the pool at the bottom and we moved on driving past location after location as we headed to the southernmost point on the island “Scott’s Head”. This is where the Atlantic Ocean and Caribbean Sea meet and it’s covered with the smoothest multi-coloured stones.

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View from Scott’s Head looking towards Caribbean Sea

Again the question is asked “are you OK?” By now its hours and a few questions in between to which I answered always “yes, I’m fine”. This time I asked “why do you keep asking me if I am OK?”

The response “you are so quiet, moving so slow, don’t really seem to be enjoying yourself” I paused for a beat. Really what could I say to that comment? To say I’m not well would encourage further conversation that I was not willing to have. To say I am fine would obviously not suffice since I was saying that all along and it was still being asked. What could I possibly say?

I responded, “I am not feeling very well, I’m very tired”.

This question is a problem to me though. I don’t want to lie but I can’t exactly explain anything. Even to those around me on a daily basis it’s difficult to understand. Especially when I look fine, most days besides the occasional slower than usual movements I walk just fine, look just fine, go about doing my work just fine. I don’t look ill.

Most times when I am in pain people will notice me sweating a lot and maybe breathing deliberately but most persons just assume I am hot. I just need to cool down a bit.

I am truly at a loss with what to say to persons when they ask. Many of them are not random people who are just being inquisitive. They are people who have spent time with me or around me and had the opportunity to observe and interact with me. It’s these ones that I am conflicted in terms of answering.

I don’t believe that my business is any other person’s business but at the same time I cannot lie.

I tell my interns that clients can tell when we are being authentic and genuine and will be the same if we are, so we are always to strive for honesty. I am not known as a fake person or someone who is not genuine but what happens when you hear the truth and it’s too much for you?

Most people can’t handle my truth.

Even in this blog. I know many persons have read it because I have invited them to. The majority act as though they didn’t. It’s too much for them to handle, too intense, then again what can they possibly say………..or at least maybe this is what they are thinking.

This is my truth.

So sometimes I will tell you I am fine. How you interpret that is really up to you.

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Author: mypcslife

I am a Psychologist by profession, wife and mother. Living in the Caribbean island of Barbados.

4 thoughts on “I’m fine!?!?”

  1. I feel as if your explanation of your I’m fine came right out of my head. This morning my boyfriend asked me how I was and immediately I snapped at him. I was irritable because I don’t really like the question. I’m very open, and honest about how I’m feeling, but even though I describe my pain I don’t think my friends and family know what i’m going through because like you, I look completely healthy. I work, go to school…I am seemingly fine…however I’m far from it. So when someone asks how I am, most people I just say I’m good and smile, but to the people who know my situation I say I’m fine. Mainly, because I don’t know what htey want me to say. Do they want me to lie and say I’m great and just dandy, when in reality I’m not? Don’t get me wrong…I’m happy, I truly am, however, I’m in pain and exhausted and frustrated and just need a break sometimes. So I don’t know if they want me to be honest, say I’m good, or let them know a simple explanation of how i’m feeling…such as I’m in pain, but I’ll be okay. I just never know, so the question bothers me. I know they ask because they care, so I feel bad when I occasionally get irriitable and then I try to explain my reasoning, and then they act like they understand, but they don’t. I don’t think they ever will until they experience something like this.

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    1. So true. Like you I don’t want to be “piggy” as I would put it but I’m in pain every single day.Different levels but pain all the same.
      So when you see me curled up in a ball in bed asking me if I’m ok sounds like a stupid question to me. Or when you see me slow down or hear me say I can’t do that right now I just figure you should get a clue. As you said though…..noone really understands unless you have a similar experience.

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      1. Yes! Someone who gets it! Anytime I’m visibly in pain, some of my friends and family who know I’m in pain everyday ask me if I”m okay when I’m clearly not and man that annoys me more than anything. I think that’s the major reason I hate the how’re you question. Because even when I may seem okay, I still have chronic pain and everytime people ask it’s like they’re forgetting that or refusing to acknowledge it. I know it’s stupid and I have to constantly remind myself…they’re asking because they care, but sometimes I’m like SERIOUSLY!??! But yea, they’ll never truly understand until they go through something similiar…you’re sooo very right.

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  2. I use the same line ” I’m fine ” or “just fantastic “. When obviously I am in pain an after I make the remark others will say ” I knew it, I could see it in your face”. You guess it’s a normal question, but do they always want to hear ” I’m not feeling well!”

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