I’m not dead yet…..sheesh!

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Why do people keep treating me like I am dead or dying? I’m definitely alive ….dying I have no idea.

I think its most times out of concern and a misguided desire to help in a “helpless” situation but its also frustrating.

On one hand I think..”can’t they see that I’m ill?” and on the other its “I’m ill but I’m not dead o.m.goodness”

So ok I’ve got Pelvic Congestion Syndrome and now hemorrhaging cysts and adhesions which look like endometriosis which was previously ruled out so yes I’m ill. The addition of the cysts and adhesions is extra pain on top of the pain I had before, yes that’s true.

I’m honest so I admit that I can be pretty miserable and unpredictable and “piggy” when the pain is at its worse like now. I try to stay away from people sometimes but that doesn’t always work.

Those closest to me see my pain, they see me struggling to stand, get in the car, get out the car, get off the bed. I was struggling just today to keep a neutral face in church while at the same time breathing through cramps like contractions. So yeah…I get it I’m not Hollywood’s next big thing! People see. Fine!

Does this mean that you get to decide what I can and can’t do? Do you get to say :Let’s not ask Lyn she is ill”or “don’t bother her with that she is ill”….? Some people, friends and family alike, out of the goodness of their heart try to divert responsibility from me. They mean well…..but I don’t like it.I don’t like people making decisions for me………straight.

I have found this aspect of dealing with illness difficult to maneuver. I want people to notice when I am in pain and react accordingly but the reaction I get is too far south of what I need. Truth is …everybody has a struggle….I know this. So as horrible as I deem mine, you have yours as well. I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the help people give but when decisions are taken away from me and they are about me it increases my feeling of helplessness……….I feel powerless.

Reality is I am battling a disease that wants to control my life, my every movement and just when I thought I had the slightest handle on it…….more complications. Making decisions for me sounds like I have already lost the battle.

I am not dead……….I am still alive…….ask me……….let me be the one to tell you no I can’t do that right now. As much as I hate to……..let me be the one to tell you in the middle of whatever it is I am doing that I cannot continue.

You know what? The best way to help me is to talk with me first. Ask me what I want. Let me tell you before you do………..not after the fact; because when I do that and you have already put things in place it seems ungrateful.

And another thing…….don’t tell other people “Lyn is sick so ask somebody else”…………………..You truly have no idea what you are doing to me with that.

So here’s the thing. Ask me. I will be honest. I will tell you yes today for next week but truth be told every day is moment by moment. Yesterday at work I was doing well and suddenly I was in excruciating pain. All I could do was drop what I was holding and keel over. Such is my life.

So ask me and let me say yes ………….but I will also tell you to get a backup, just in case. Don’t get them behind my back but be open about it. I will even work with them so we are on the same page. This is me right now………..I accept it.

My illness(s) do not define me. Stop walking on eggshells around me. stop making decisions for me. I can’t promise I will always be in a good mood because pain drains and frustrates me; but I will promise I will be honest.

As long as I am alive treat me like everybody else. Here in Barbados we have a saying “take the time from me” that means “follow my lead”. let me help you to help me.

Stop treating me like I am dead!

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Author: mypcslife

I am a Psychologist by profession, wife and mother. Living in the Caribbean island of Barbados.

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