Today was just one of those days where I was reminded of how precious time is. First, the cat died. Let me say I really didn’t like the cat; I found him annoying but now he’s dead and I miss him already.
Much of my day was spent talking about issues surrounding death and dying, those we’ve lost and those we have. In this space now I look back and think “did I waste any time today?” That question really is “did I waste any of my life today?”
Sometimes we have experiences that push us into particular directions. I was the go to person who could get things done. If you needed help find Lyn, if you needed something organized, controlled, sorted, made, cooked, kept etc.etc.etc. find Lyn. Then that all changed.
Firstly, I got sick and realized that as much as I wanted to I couldn’t do so much anymore. I started to decline positions and drop some of the many hats I wore and people got upset and took it as I just didn’t want to help. Truth is I realized that as much as I wanted to it was in my best interest to say no.
By the time I had the first surgical procedure for Pelvic Congestion Syndrome(PCS), I had previously had 5 surgeries. All were not elective, I was acutely aware at least once before that I needed to have surgery in order to ultimately save my life. After each procedure my level of awareness grew. Being in hospital does something to you, being in pain does as well.
So now, especially on the bad days I remember to value every moment. Yes we all know we will die but we don’t all think about it.
I think if I share any time with you, you should count it a privilege because I am sharing a piece of my life with you. I don’t have time to spend being idle and talking about people and not being productive.
Every moment that I have where I have the energy to do something or make a memory with my children I want. Every moment that is without pain or that has minimal pain I want to grab and “run” with.
Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t have the surgeries and didn’t have the pain if I would be more fickle, probably….but now I don’t have the time. Pain has given me discernment, I weigh each activity in the balance ; in the scheme of what is truly important in life. For me it is and always will be family first.
So when I tell you don’t waste my time…..understand I’m saying I won’t waste my life…………because life is too short and too precious. My time is my life!